Writing Entry 3

Background: A small start

As I went over the whole story last time, I figured maybe a good place to start would be just the introductory paragraphs - as the opening paragraphs need to be really good. Prose needs to be tight, characterizations brief but strong. You need to hook the reader in really fast. I definitely can’t do that yet but This will be an attempt.

Last entry I didn’t give the characters names, as the dream didn’t given them any. I have several options here, but for now I can just use placeholder names. Here is a table of the names (for my own reference):

ProtagonistNellie (Nel)
Almost Couple - MaleAmes
Almost Couple - FemaleEsther (Es)
Protagonist’s MotherAgatha
Protagonist’s FatherCletus
Protagonist’s BrotherErasmo (‘smo)


Nel watched over the clouds below the city with a familiar wonder and fear. Watching the clouds was the only thing that made greeting duty at the Shop somewhat bearable. Otherwise, Nel would have probably died of boredom long ago at this job. Looking at the clouds reminded her of something more out there than the current sad affair of her life. Her father was down below those clouds somewhere - would he ever come back? She could watch them for hours, but greeting duty normally only let her do it for a few minutes at a time. Still, it was better than handling customers inside the shop.

Nel soon regretted that thought, though, as she saw the worst customer imaginable coming - Olaf. A man with an ego so large it was a wonder he didn’t float away from the city with his own hot air. He was riding in his flying scooter straight towards the entrance. While Nel would have preferred to have just been run over by that scooter than to stand and talk with Olaf, his purchases were one of the few things keeping the Shop financially above water. So Nel put on her best fake smile as Olaf came toward her.

“Greetings, Sir Olaf - glad you could visit on this fine day”

“Greetings to you, employee - I’m so glad that manager thought to send a personal escort to take me through the store. Come along now, dear, I need to to take me to the Show Sphere section,” Olaf waved her in with a cheery demeanor.

“That’s … alright sir, follow me,” Nel gritted her teeth as soon as her face was out of sight. While Greeting duty was her assigned duty, if she denied his request Olaf would throw a fit so loud heard the whole city would hear. So she started leading him to the Show Sphere section.

As they walked through the store, Nel noticed many customers bustling around. The Store, more properly called Arkon’s Store of Infinite Goods, was an establishment bringing people of many walks of life together. You had people as pompous and rich as Olaf, which was the kind of clientele the owner of the store Arkon wanted to bring in. But you also had your more average folk, Ammiel, the wife of the tailor and mother of 4, buying clothes for her children. Or Barth the Cobbler, barely scraping by, trying to get enough leather to make his next batch of sandals for the coming summer months. While Arkon might disapprove of these folks, the manager of the store Abraham made sure there was a place for them here. Nel really loved Abe for that, as did everyone - he was a popular figure in this community.

Nel and Olaf finally made it to the Show Sphere section. Olaf admired the rows of glowing orbs. Honestly, Olaf had been to this spot so many times he should not need an escort - he probably didn’t even need to be awake to get there. Olaf picked up one of the spheres with a slight hazy outline of himself playing a role inside it. Olaf had gained fame and fortune through his starring roles in many Show Sphere stories - so naturally he loved looking at himself in the Show Spheres.

As she stood by Olaf at the, she heard a crash somewhere. A gaggle of children ran out of the clothing section. Other employees of the store chased after them as they tore through the store. It took a moment for Nel to realize they were headed straight towards her. She panicked, but before she could figure out what to do the children had already run past her, with the employees close behind. In the children’s rush, they bumped the shelves of Show Spheres. Recovered from her shock, Nel caught 3 spheres in rapid succession but couldn’t quite grab the fourth. It hid the ground with a loud shatter. Olaf stood back aghast at the whole affair. This was not good - the Show Sphere that was broken was a rare one, one of the more expensive items stock - replacing them would be difficult at best.

“WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?” a voice screamed. An unfortunately familiar voice to Nel - this situation had just gone from bad to apocalyptic. Arkon was here, and he has seen the whole affair. And Arkon wasn’t one to take the loss of stock very likely - he would be looking for blood.

“You need not worry sire - I can take care of it,” another familiar voice, this one blessedly so. Abraham the manager had come to salvage this horrible situation.


Sorry I think I’m out of time for now. Resolving the conflict will be the next stage!